timing is everything...

She always thought she saw him just around the corner or walking up ahead of her on a crowded street – and she had chased down several unsuspecting strangers, each time positive it was him.

It was always like that with them.  The timing was wrong.

This time, it was her who was unavailable, but that didn’t change the fact that she wanted him.

But, like every other time, he got just close enough to make her long for him.  Even worse, it took less and less contact each time.  It seemed that these days, all she needed was a simple “Hello” and she had already run away with him in her mind.

One thing she could count on in her life was that he would show up at exactly the wrong moment.

And, each time, he pulled away – and he always pulled away – the hurt was fresh and new, yet oddly comforting in its familiarity.

He would never be hers.  She would never be his. Yet, somehow, they belonged to one another.

Existence

There are so many things I want to say to you. I want the words to be beautiful and poetic, but all I have are the simplest of phrases echoing in my brain. Things like “I want you” and “I need you” and “more than I ever thought I could feel for another person.” Fragments of cheap country music songs, at best. But, the truth of the matter is, I feel these things so deeply that I cannot even come to the surface long enough to look for a better description for the emotions that I am feeling lately. I am drowning in the feelings I have for you, and I am enjoying it.

I want to feel your soul touch mine. No, wait, that sounds so cliché, does it not?

I think, more accurately, that my soul has suddenly realized it is missing a vital chunk. My survival depends on finding this piece. Up until now, I have been able to endure this life because I did not even know it was missing. Now that I know, though, I am obsessed with trying to fill this recently revealed void. No, I don’t love you because I need you, or even need you because I love you. I need you because without you there can be no me. Without you, I cease to exist.

words........

They were
the kind of words
that begged to be read

breathlessly

and

desperately

Whispered into willing ears
and mingling with
beads of sweat
They were words for
candle lit evenings
and foggy Sunday mornings,
hotel room trysts
and long goodbyes.

Heart Breaker

I don’t know.
It seems that you have cast me in the role of “heart breaker.”
Maybe I am deserving, after years of making you feel like you can’t get over me
But what about the things you did?
Lying, cheating, leaving, returning, telling me to leave
You told me to leave, so I left
Now, I am the bad guy for leaving
It’s all so confusing and wrong
Am I happy with life? Ecstatically so.
Do I have regrets? Not many.
So what of this hold we have over each other?
After all this time, isn’t your arm tired of carrying that burned out torch?
Just as when we were together, your ideal cannot possibly match up to reality
You put me on a pedestal, and the fall was long and humiliating, and caused earthquakes.
I glued those shattered remains back together as best I could, but there were chunks missing and still others rearranged
I was different.  Changed,
My eyes were reconstructed with lenses that saw our life differently than before
I had to leave - not because I didn’t love you, but because I didn’t love me.
You say that you still love me, have never stopped.
What am I supposed to do with that?  Where does that fit in? 
And this is how the one with the broken heart becomes the heart breaker, by continuing to live and function and not remain broken
Would you feel the same if I was still that broken pile of marble on the floor?  or would you have swept me up and discarded me long ago?
I just don’t understand how YOU get to be the one hurting in all of this?  After all that was said, all that was done, all the ways you tried to destroy me? 
How is it that I am now the one to carry the burden of your broken heart?
You loved me
You loved me how you needed to love
Not how I needed to be loved
You needed so much more from my love than I was able to offer